After Asheville Beer Week, Man celebrates Asheville Water Week, lots and lots of water week

  • SumoMe

ASHEVILLE- John Kline of West Asheville trained for Asheville’s second annual Asheville Beer Week by consuming on average 4.5 beers per day for the past year.


But when Kline woke up on June 2 after the conclusion of Asheville Beer Week and Beer City Fest, Kline realized his pounding headache was a sigh his training was not nearly good enough.


Hunched over his kitchen sink with the faucet running, Kline lapped up water with his tongue like his golden retriever Porter. For just a second Porter and Kline made eye contact and Kline swears Porter was judging him, but he didn’t care because in that second Kline was overwhelmed with joy by how good Asheville tap water tasted.


Kline’s joy and appreciation of tap water has culminated in him celebrating the past eight days what he calls Asheville Water Week, an event where he drinks lots and lots of water.


“For eight days during Asheville Beer Week I disregarded water, after all why drink water when you can fill your mouth with hoppy water goodness that leaves you with a buzz?” said Kline.


“Plus when you are drinking beer instead of water it makes the ‘8 to 5’ job go by real quick. However, nearly eight days has gone by since Asheville Beer week and I’m still suffering from beer farts. How is that even possible? So now I’ve turned to water. You know what they say, ‘a glass of water a day, keeps the beer farts away.”


Physicians at Mission Hospital were unable to confirm whether water would be a possible solution to beer caused flatulence.


Doctor approved or not, Kline plans on trying to organize Asheville Water Week as an annual event to culminate every year at the conclusion of Asheville Beer Week.


“Well technically we may not be able to call it Asheville Water Week, it may be MSD Water Week, but I think people need to remember the importance of consuming water,” said Kline.


“Sure just drinking water makes your wife’s stories about how she hates her job a lot less entertaining, but listening to your wife one week a year may be good for your relationship. Asheville Water Week saving marriages since 2013.”


Kline’s fascination with water has not only turned into a holiday, but also spurred a business idea. Kline has been collecting rainwater for the last week and plans on launching his own water brewery complete with a tasting room by September.


“Yeah this rain barrel I have now should be about ready to go by September,” said Kline.


“I have no idea why rain that sits will taste good, but people fall for that barrel aged shit all the time.”


Kline’s first water barrel release will be his Tar Water Ale, which features a hint of roof, gutter, and plastic barrel.

Author: citizenthymes

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