ASHEVILLE- Bill Redmond has had a gym membership at WNC Barbell on Sardis Road for two years now.
Yesterday was the first time Redmond saw the inside of the gym in two years and he hated every minute of it.
“I can’t even feel my legs right now,” said Redmond.
“Maybe it was because I didn’t stretch first? Oh man I could really go for a beer right now.”
Redmond like many individuals this year made a New Year’s resolution to get in shape. But after 25 sweat inducing, excruciating minutes on the treadmill, Redmond is having second thoughts.
“I should have just gave up smoking instead,” said Redmond.
“The whole time I was on that treadmill I wanted a cigarette. I thought I was going to die on it. In fact I was quite confident I saw the light a couple times and it was my time to go. Turns out it was just the light reflecting off the sweaty bald guy’s head in front of me on the elliptical.”
Redmond’s second thoughts about the gym were amplified this morning after stepping on the scale to see he had only lost .02 pounds.
“All that work for nothing,” said Redmond.
“Maybe I should try Atkins because clearly exercise isn’t working. Or maybe God just meant for me to be fat. No use arguing with God.”
Redmond is skipping the gym this evening to research easier ways to get in shape products like the Shake Weight and the Tug Toner.
There is now just 364 days left to complete your New Year’s resolutions.