ASHEVILLE- New proposed rules by the North Carolina Generally Assembly suggesting that all abortion providers be ambulatory surgical centers if implemented by the health department would effectively close 15 abortion clinics across the state.
While pro-choice advocates see the bill as a defeat, one Asheville back alley abortion provider sees the bill as an opportunity to grow his practice.
“Abortion clinics and pro-choice advocates have been fighting to squander the abortion market from us back alley abortion doctors for a long time now,” said Dr. X (For legal reasons, the doctor declined to give his real name).
“Accusing us back alley doctors of providing services that were not sanitary or safe. For the past couple of years I have had a tough time paying rent just on the back alley abortion services I provide. I even deal meth from time to time to pay the bills. But I just want to say thank you to the North Carolina General Assembly for giving us back alley doctors a second chance at success.”
Asheville abortion provider Femcare, the only abortion provider in the state that would meet the NCGA’s new requirements, license was suspendered this past Thursday due to multiple health violations cited by the state health department leaving Dr. X and his back alley cohorts possibly the only abortion providers in the state.
“North Carolina republicans are good Christian folk, who believe in giving people a second chance, and I plan on not wasting my second chance,” said Dr. X.
“I think people will be surprised on how much drug cartel money has significantly improved the back alley abortion procedure. It still may not be the most sanitary or safe way to provide abortions, but we get the job done every time. Each patient even walks away with a complimentary piece of rock candy.”