ASHEVILLE- You would think with a superhero at your side, you could do just about anything.
That was exactly Vance Elementary fourth grader Ben McDonald’s thought process last week as he hoped to score his first kiss with Spiderman at his side.
Armed with 32 Spiderman Valentine’s Day cards that read, “Girl, you’re all caught up in my web,” McDonald was convinced he was going to receive his first kiss this past Valentine’s Day.
“I only really like this girl named Sue, who rides the bus with me, but I didn’t want to limit my chances of getting kissed to just one girl,” said McDonald.
McDonald with his hair parted, shirt tucked in, and immersed in six squirts of his father’s cologne, handed out his Valentine’s cards to 29 of his female classmates, the lunch lady, his math teacher, and a cute fifth grader.
But McDonald failed to get his first kiss from any of his potential suitors.
“I’m not sure what went wrong,” said McDonald.
“I’d walk up to them and hand them the card and say ‘here you go.’ Then I would stand on my tippy toes, close my eyes, and pucker my lips just like I’ve seen them do it on Little Rascals. But not one girl was willing to give me a kiss. The lunch lady did give me an extra Jell-o though.”
McDonald returned home from school that day demoralized, but his mom cheered him up with a kiss on the cheek and a serving of chocolate pudding.
“My mom was like, ‘I will be your first kiss,” said McDonald.
“I told her kissing your mom doesn’t count. But the pudding was good.”
McDonald’s crush Sue is now dating a third grader named Billy, but Billy is a known player and McDonald thinks Sue will be back on the market by next week.
In the meantime, Billy is thinking ahead to Valentine’s Day 2014.
“Spiderman let me down,” said McDonald.
“I’m thinking about going with Batman cards next year. The cards read, ‘Girl, you will never be the bane of my existence.’ I have no idea what that means, but I think I will be taller next year, so I like my chances. I’m also going to save my allowances. My dad always says the key to a woman’s heart is your wallet. So I’m going to have to be able to afford a wallet by Valentine’s Day next year, if I want a kiss.”