ASHEVILLE- You have to adapt with the times if you are going to survive.
But how are you supposed to adapt when you don’t have the financial resources to do so?
That is what the Asheville homeless community is asking after learning of the news that the city will allow drivers to pay for downtown parking using their mobile phones on all metered spaces.
“If people can pay for parking via phone, who is going to carry spare change anymore?” said Richard Wilcox, a homeless man doubling as a failed kazoo player.
“Spare change is how we get by. What are we supposed to do now?”
Wilcox banded together with several of his homeless colleagues late Monday afternoon to protest the new mobile phone parking meters in Pack Square.
The protesters held signs that read ‘Mobile phone parking kills puppies,’ ‘Don’t text while parking,’ and ‘The robots are coming for you next.’
“This is how the robot invasion starts man,” said Wilcox.
“They eliminate the weak and the people no one will notice first. But they will go after you eventually and you are just feeding their army with your mobile phone charges.”
But one Asheville homeless woman is embracing the change the mobile phone pay meters will bring.
“Will there be less change available? Sure,” said Jill Hope, a homeless woman and ex yoga instructor.
“But that is why I have invested in a credit card reader. Now when people say they don’t have any money, I one up them by asking for their credit card. Then people are stuck in a really awkward position, because who walks around with literally no form of payment? The money goes directly into my PayPal account. Much more convenient than lugging around and counting all that spare change.”
Hope plans to ask the Asheville City Council to pay for her credit card reader since she wouldn’t have had to buy one if the city didn’t make changes to the parking meters. As for a robot invasion, Hope explains Wilcox is just special.
“Wilcox has never been the same since he failed to get into Juliard for kazoo playing,” said Hope.
“He goes on rants about robots, unicorns, Vietnam, and pancakes all the time. That guy needs help.”