Asheville man kind of regrets setting off fireworks in fireplace after rain ruins outdoor show

  • SumoMe

ASHEVILLE- West Asheville resident Keith Stinson’s ancestors gave their lives to help the United States gain independence from Great Britain.

 

You think a little rain would stop Stinson from celebrating America’s independence?

 

Stinson certainly didn’t, but what happened as a result has Stinson thinking he maybe should of surrendered to the rain that poured on the 4th of July.

 

As the rain poured down from the heavens, Stinson with fireworks in hand and faithful pit bull at his side, stared out through his trailer window cursing the rain gods.

 

“This is America’s holiday goddamnit and I’m not going to let no commie rain stop me from celebrating it,” muttered Stinson.

 

Stinson took one last swig from his handle of Evan Williams, before strategically arranging his illegally bought fireworks from Missouri in his mobile home’s fireplace.

 

Stinson then stumbled over to his cassette player and popped in America’s anthem, Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Free Bird of course.

 

“What’s a firework show without music, huh mutt?” Stinson asked his pit bull.

 

Stinson then staggered back to the fireplace, struck a match, and yelled, ‘fire.’

 

Moments later a range of colored sparks, popping sounds, and the smell of gun powder invaded Stinson’s living room and upon the reception of a roman candle mortar to the eye, Stinson suffered from a brief moment of sobriety that left him immediately regretting his decision.

 

Stinson’s living room was a blaze, but thankfully the fireworks hand knocked a hole in Stinson’s roof that let the rain quickly extinguish what was once Stinson’s Dale Earnhardt embroidered sofa.

 

“Commie rain dang ruined my firework show and soaked my goddamn sofa,” said Stinson.

 

“But America won today. From what I remember I put on a goddamn beautiful firework show despite the rain and now I have a sunroof too. God Bless America.”

Author: citizenthymes

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