Asheville named No. 10 ‘sharp city’ by Reader’s Digest, City Council purchases Edge of Glory knife sharpeners to boost ranking

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ASHEVILLE- Asheville is sharp, but not razor sharp, at least not yet.

 

Reader’s Digest named Asheville No. 10 in it’s list of the Top 10 “Sharpest Cities” in the nation this past week. Asheville placed behind other cities such as San Francisco, Seattle, and Portland.

 

But the Asheville City Council believes being crowned the No. 1 sharpest city is within reach. The City Council’s goal of being No. 1, lead the Council to purchase 42,229 Edge of Glory knife sharpener sets over the weekend.

 

Councilman Marc Hunt

“We did the research and found Asheville citizen’s knives are sharp, but not as sharp as they could be,” said Marc Hunt, City Councilman.

 

“So we just bought enough knife sharpeners for every citizen. If every Asheville resident has sharp knives, that has to guarantee us the title of Sharp City USA, right?”

 

The Council’s purchase of knife sharpeners will cost taxpayers $464,096.71, plus shipping and handling. Each knife sharpener set, which costs $10.99 each, comes with two Edge of Glory knife sharpeners and a set of three knives.

 

“Asheville should be proud of the Council’s decision, because we had to act fast to get such a good deal,” said Hunt.

 

“We were watching the Edge of Glory commercial and we’re a little timid about buying a single knife sharpener for $10.99. But then the commercial host said, ‘We are not done yet, call now and you get a 3 piece knife set, a $20.00 value, free with your order. But wait there’s more, order now and we will double your order, two Edge of Glory knife sharpeners for the price of one.’ It was too good of a deal to ignore and like the commercial said we had to order now.”

 

The City Council will start dispersing the 84,458 Edge of Glory knife sharpeners to residents the first week of December as an early Christmas present. Every city resident will receive an Edge of Glory knife sharpener, no matter the individual’s religious affiliation.

 

The Council hopes the title of Sharp City USA will attract new visitors to Asheville the same way Beer City USA has attracted craft beer lovers from all over the country to Asheville.

 

What shit can a credit card cut through? Coming soon to The Magnetic Field

“I think knife sharpening could be a real big draw for tourists,” said Hunt.

 

“We could have knife sharpening tours, where tourists tour local homes and learn about the different ways people use sharp knives in this town. Not everybody uses the knives for food, you know? We also could have knife-sharpening tests. The Edge of Glory commercial used an Edge of Glory to sharpen a credit card that cut a tomato in half. I was like wow that is magic and could definitely be a show at The Magnetic Field or The Orange Peel. Watch out David Copperfield.”

 

The Council has yet to decide what they are going to do with the 126,687 knives that came with the order.

 

“Perhaps we could become Knife City USA,” said Hunt.

 

“Or we could give them to a local artist. I’m sure a local artist could make a sculpture that nobody understands out of those knives.”

 

Rolla, Missouri is currently Knife City USA.

Author: citizenthymes

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