ASHEVILLE- Uncle Bill may not be able to toss around the ole ball with his four-year-old nephew Ryan Fields without working up a sweat and a heart palpitation.
But Uncle Bill’s size 52-inch waist does provide his nephew with the optimal flotation device to ride in RiverLink’s Anything That Floats Parade an event held this Saturday as part of RiverFest at French Broad River Park from 1 pm to 7 pm.
“This boat (Bill points to his stomach) is fueled by 100 percent emissions free Miller High Life,” said Uncle Bill.
“I’ve been having Ryan practice all week cracking beers for me as preparation for our journey down the French Broad.”
Uncle Bill’s Nephew Fields training program for the upcoming voyage didn’t stop at popping beer can tabs, but also evenly applying a thin layer of SPF 30 Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen to his blubberly vessel.
“This ivory orb (Bill points to his stomach) has not seen a lot of daylight lately,” said Uncle Bill.
“I don’t want this float for charity to turn into a sun cancer diagnosis.”
Anything That Floats Parade is a fun and wacky event as part of RiverFest, where participants dress up in costumes and float down the French Broad in anything that essentially floats except motorized boats. Judges select a based on creativity, ingenuity, and spirit of the team.
“I think we pretty much have this prize wrapped up,” said Uncle Bill.
“What’s more beautiful than a nephew and his uncle bonding over a river and Miller High Life?”
RiverLink hosts RiverFest as an annual fundraiser event to help raise funds and awareness to continue the work to revitalize the French Broad River as a place for everyone to live, work, and play.