ASHEVILLE- A combination of live music, costumes, drugs, and alcohol should be enough for even Droopy Dog to turn that frown upside down.
But for one Asheville waiter Moogfest was just another weekend at the Waffle House hating everyone including himself.
Billy Walker a long time employee of the Waffle House on 798 Brevard Road explains this past weekend is just one of many he will try to forget over a bottle of Jim Bean.
“How was my Moogfest experience? How do you think my experience was? I work at Waffle House,” said Walker.
“The only thing different about this weekend is there was a nice crowd of wannabe hipsters that came through the door. But Jesus how hipster can you be eating at the Waffle House? What you spent too much money on those testicle hugger pants to afford a real breakfast? But don’t you worry about me I will forget everything about this weekend once I get to the bottom of this bottle.”
Walker then took a rather long drink from the handle of Jim Bean and leaned in.
“I had dreams once you know,” said Walker.
“My parents always pushed me you know. Go to college, they said. Find your passion and major in that, they said. Well I tell you what I will let you in on a little secret. Turns out majoring in Philosophy at Warren Wilson College is the exact educational experience you need to decipher drunken tongue at 2:00 a.m.”
Walker graduated from Warren Wilson in 2008 with a Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy. Walker has been a dedicated Waffle House server ever since.
Walker explains the Moogfest crowd was a little bit rowdier than the usual patrons the Waffle House gets Friday and Saturday nights.
“Yeah they were a little bit inebriated, but who really can enter the Waffle House sober,” said Walker.
“I’ve been working at the Waffle House for four years and I can’t remember the last time I was sober taking orders. But hey drinking on the job is practically in my job description. To understand a drunk, you must encompass a drunken lifestyle. I think Aristotle said that.”
Walker plans on spending the rest of the year trying to work his way up the corporate Waffle House ladder.
“I’m taking it one waffle at a time you could say,” said Walker.
The Waffle House was unavailable for comment. But the Bert’s chili consumed while waiting for comment was pretty tasty. Although Bert’s chili falls way short of the epic greatness that is Hormel’s chili in a can.