Asheville woman awarded key to City after exposing Biscuit Head’s diabolical plan to kill customer base

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ASHEVILLE- You would think Chef Jason Roy’s maniacal laughter heard from the kitchen would be enough to let on something was up at Biscuit Head, West Asheville’s biscuit centric eatery.

 

But it wasn’t until a brave Asheville woman [name redacted for the personal safety of the whistle blower] took to a West Asheville Facebook forum last week to type the following status with her left pinky finger on the shift key the whole time:

 

ATTENTION HEALTH CONSCIOUS FOLKS: BISCUIT HEAD USES A SOYBEAN OIL MARGARINE-BUTTER BLEND IN THEIR BISCUITS AND THEY ARE TELLING PEOPLE THEY USE BUTTER. PLEASE PASS ON THE WORD. THANK YOU!!!!

 

The status exposed Chef Jason Roy’s diabolical plan to slowly poison his customer base and blew the lid off of Asheville’s biggest scandal since George Vanderbilt unknowingly consumed a rib eye steak off a standard enamel plate.

 

Asheville will celebrate the woman, who is being deemed ‘Asheville’s Lady Snowden,’ brave actions by awarding her a key to the City tomorrow.

 

“We thought it was so brave of her to out an Asheville local business’s dirty laundry on the Internet with no evidence or reference to where she received her information from,” said Esther Manheimer, Asheville mayor.

 

“Most people would think twice to make sure the statement they were making was correct, but boy she hit enter on that status so confidently and in capital letters to boot. Giving her a key to the city is the least that we could do for her heroic efforts.”

 

Lady Snowden a health conscious Asheville resident felt the need to expose Biscuit Head after realizing she was being robbed of the nutritional value she usually gets out of a standard biscuit.

 

“Most people don’t know that biscuits can be a daily staple of a healthy American diet,” said Lady Snowden.

 

“I’m a runner so I use biscuits as a form of carbohydrate loading. One biscuit slathered with jelly before and after my daily run. But Biscuit Head’s Soybean Oil Margarine-Butter Blend biscuits just really slowed down my morning run. I felt like my blood cells where just choking on soy. ”

 

But really what motivated Lady Snowden to out Biscuit Head was the restaurant’s propaganda of being ‘the option’ in town for health fanatics.

 

“Biscuit Head tries to pull the wool over your eyes by offering healthy menu options like the Pulled Pork Biscuit (biscuit with pulled pork, jalapeño pimento, bacon, egg, and maple syrup) and then they turn around and use Soybean Oil in their biscuits,” said Lady Snowden.

 

“It’s absolutely criminal and people need to know about it.”

 

Know about it Asheville has, as the Facebook status mounted over 700 comments in a matter of days and has been aptly named #Biscuitgate by reporters, who have know idea how to attribute ideas originated by social media personalities.

 

Huffington Post picked up the story yesterday and has labeled #Biscuitgate as a top candidate for being the #Kony2012 of 2014.

 

The Asheville Police Department is currently investigating Chef Roy and his apparent connections to Cruella Deville and Dianty. It remains to be seen why Roy would choose to poison his customer base that he is reliant on to make a living and whether he indeed has ill will toward Dalmations.

Author: citizenthymes

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