BeerCity poll dead, Asheville Chamber of Commerce found bedside frantically trying to resuscitate with defibrillator

  • SumoMe

ASHEVILLE- Letting a loved one go is always hard.


It’s even harder to let a loved one go, which essentially did your job for you.


So when the BeerCity USA poll’s heart stopped and the doctor muttered ‘we’ve lost it’ over the piercing sound of the heart rate monitor, Kit Cramer, President and CEO of the Asheville Chamber of Commerce lost it.


Cramer was overheard yelling, “don’t die on me dammit,” “what am I supposed to say about Asheville now,”  “you really think people under 50 care about the Biltmore House?” and “clear” from the waiting room of Mission Hospital, in between the sound of the defibrillator shocking the BeerCity USA poll’s lifeless chest.


Nurses scrambled to restrain Cramer, but were halted by Charlie Papazian, the father of BeerCity USA poll, stern voice say ‘let her be.’


Papazian placed a hand on Cramer’s shoulder and whispered, “it’s ok” into Cramer’s ear. Upon hearing Papazian, Cramer dropped the defibrillator paddles and fell helplessly onto BeerCity USA poll’s cold body, crying frantically and beating on its chest, screaming, “why God, why now?”


“It is definitely hard to say goodbye to a child, but it is also nice to know they had an impact,” said Papazian.


“I had no idea that the BeerCity USA poll had such an impact in Kit’s life. I hope she will be ok.”


The BeerCity USA poll lived to be five-years-old and is survived by it’s father Charlie Papazian. The BeerCity USA poll is known to be the only living organism other than Jesus to be conceived by just one human, justifying the Asheville Chamber of Commerce’s annual worship of the poll.


The BeerCity USA poll is said to of died, as sacrifice for your daily beer intake. So the next time you drink an Asheville brew, be sure to thank the poll for dying to save you from the ills of drinking hoppy goodness.


As for Cramer, she was last seen trying to think of interesting ways to repackage a house built by a rich dead guy to unsuspecting tourists.

Author: citizenthymes

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