Asheville father shows son Chick-fil-A campers as example of what giving up on life looks like
Apr03

Asheville father shows son Chick-fil-A campers as example of what giving up on life looks like

ASHEVILLE- Usually when Garrison Ford wants to teach his 9-year-old son Leonard a lesson he just revokes Leonard’s television viewing privileges for a week.   But when more than 100 people camped out in a parking lot of a soon to be opened Chick-fil-A on Merrimon Avenue, in hopes of being one of the first 100 people in line to win 52 sandwiches, 52 orders of waffle fries, and 52 medium drinks or $292.76 worth of product from...

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Deceased Westboro Baptist Church Pastor Fred Phelps confused why Heaven is hot and full of flames
Mar20

Deceased Westboro Baptist Church Pastor Fred Phelps confused why Heaven is hot and full of flames

HELL- Fire and brimstone is not necessarily what deceased Westboro Baptist Church Reverend Fred Phelps had in mind when walking through heaven’s pearly gates.   In fact, Reverend Phelps must have been so traumatized by his recent passing shortly after midnight this morning, because he doesn’t remember seeing any pearly gates at all.   “It really is hot up here in Heaven, I didn’t expect that,” said Reverend Phelps.  ...

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Special snowflake that was told by mom no two snowflakes are alike just dies on windshield like thousands of peers
Feb12

Special snowflake that was told by mom no two snowflakes are alike just dies on windshield like thousands of peers

ASHEVILLE- Snowflake parents are usually not known for having the warmest hearts.   However, Flake Junior’s mother was an exception, who used to tell her son while growing up and falling through earth’s atmosphere that no two snowflakes are alike and that Flake Junior was indeed very special.   Flake Junior must of let his mother’s words get to his head as the not so invincible snowflake floated into I-40 traffic early...

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Former Texas Roadhouse Armadillo mascot Andy admits to smuggling armadillos into Asheville area
Jul24

Former Texas Roadhouse Armadillo mascot Andy admits to smuggling armadillos into Asheville area

ASHEVILLE-  Do you ever wonder why Texas Roadhouse’s rolls with cinnamon honey butter taste so good?   Well it certainly isn’t the cinnamon or honey according to former Texas Roadhouse mascot armadillo Andy.   According to Andy the secret is in the teardrops of an armadillo.   That is right every side dish of cinnamon honey butter is garnished with exactly one teardrop of an armadillo before being brought to a Texas...

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Obama admits to daydreaming about Asheville 12 Bones barbecue during State of the Union address
Feb13

Obama admits to daydreaming about Asheville 12 Bones barbecue during State of the Union address

ASHEVILLE- What is one suppose to do during an applause break but put a big cheese grin on your face and daydream about Asheville barbecue?   At least that was President Barack Obama’s strategy during the State of the Union address last night.   “Applause breaks can sometimes be a downer, especially when you know in the back of your mind the sooner you are done with the speech the more likely you are going to be able to...

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DOD approves women in combat, China makes plans to invade U.S. at low point of menstrual cycle
Jan24

DOD approves women in combat, China makes plans to invade U.S. at low point of menstrual cycle

WASHINGTON D.C.- Conservatives will be touting the ‘I told you so’ swag at the office today.   Upon the news the U.S. military will now allow women in combat, top Chinese generals have been working around the clock to plan a U.S. invasion during the military’s menstrual bleeding period.   “We don’t understand very much about female anatomy, but we do know now, the best time to attack the U.S. is when their military is...

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