Asheville atheist snowman pleads for God as sunrays scorch icy flesh
Feb14

Asheville atheist snowman pleads for God as sunrays scorch icy flesh

ASHEVILLE- Abe the snowman a life long atheist has always questioned the existence of God, because he thought how could any creator be so cruel as to create life without legs and thus imprison Abe to staring at a West Asheville bungalow overran by cats and defined by an intense urine smell.   But if Abe the snowman had been blessed with knees, he would certainly be on them right now begging God for salvation.   West...

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Coworker suspected of buying her own Valentine flowers really has boyfriend
Feb14

Coworker suspected of buying her own Valentine flowers really has boyfriend

ASHEVILLE- The snowpocalypse has everybody in Asheville feeling cold this week.   But employees at a local medical sales supply company feel cold year round because they have deal with their coworker ‘Bitchy’ Vicky 365 days a year.   That is why when ‘Bitchy’ Vicky received Valentine flowers midmorning from the delivery guy her coworkers were left speechless.   “How could anyone love her?” said Monica, a sales associate...

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Special snowflake that was told by mom no two snowflakes are alike just dies on windshield like thousands of peers
Feb12

Special snowflake that was told by mom no two snowflakes are alike just dies on windshield like thousands of peers

ASHEVILLE- Snowflake parents are usually not known for having the warmest hearts.   However, Flake Junior’s mother was an exception, who used to tell her son while growing up and falling through earth’s atmosphere that no two snowflakes are alike and that Flake Junior was indeed very special.   Flake Junior must of let his mother’s words get to his head as the not so invincible snowflake floated into I-40 traffic early...

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Asheville woman awarded key to City after exposing Biscuit Head’s diabolical plan to kill customer base
Jan08

Asheville woman awarded key to City after exposing Biscuit Head’s diabolical plan to kill customer base

ASHEVILLE- You would think Chef Jason Roy’s maniacal laughter heard from the kitchen would be enough to let on something was up at Biscuit Head, West Asheville’s biscuit centric eatery.   But it wasn’t until a brave Asheville woman [name redacted for the personal safety of the whistle blower] took to a West Asheville Facebook forum last week to type the following status with her left pinky finger on the shift key the whole time:...

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Lack of Cold Mountain forces distraught Asheville man to try one of thousand other winter seasonal brews
Dec10

Lack of Cold Mountain forces distraught Asheville man to try one of thousand other winter seasonal brews

ASHEVILLE- Staring at an empty spot in the Ingles beer cooler where Highland Brewing Company’s highly touted seasonal Cold Mountain Winter Ale is supposed to be located, West Asheville resident Tony Mojito shook his head in disbelief.   “It’s a cold, cold day, brother,” said Mojito.   Mojito has been visiting his local Ingles every day for the past three weeks expecting Cold Mountain to be in stock and every day he walks...

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Asheville Gingerbread Man protests Grove Park Inn’s parking fee, says fee was not in original HOA agreement
Dec03

Asheville Gingerbread Man protests Grove Park Inn’s parking fee, says fee was not in original HOA agreement

ASHEVILLE- It is bad enough the Gingerbread Man has to deal with the new next door neighbor’s pandas tearing up his perfectly kept green frosting yard.   But to add a $10 mandatory parking fee to park his ginger mobile on his own street is really pushing Gingerbread Man’s buttons.   For the second year in a row, the Omni Grove Park Inn is charging all visitors a parking fee to visit the resort during the annual gingerbread...

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