ASHEVILLE – A journalist at a local satire website actually believes she can get a job at a real satire website.
“I’m really aiming for The Onion,” said Amanda Morrison, the 23 year old journalist/barista.
“I’ve been writing for the Citizen Thymes for almost three weeks now and I think I’ve outgrown this rag.”
Morrison’s college journalism professor, Allen McCreary, had other things to say about her future in the journalism field.
“She’s just too big headed for this field. She lacks the self-shame that is necessary in this field,” said McCreary.
“I once even heard her refer to an online-only newspaper as a ‘rag.’ I think she may have learned everything she knows about journalism from Seinfeld era sitcoms.”
Morrison still holds out hope, though.
“I went to college for four years so I could learn how to do this. Well, maybe not four years, maybe two years of community college and a night class at the YMCA, but anyway, I’m going to do it my way and make it big,” said a delusional Morrison.
“I’ve got to make my degree worth something.”
Morrison has started a Facebook fan page for herself, of which there are 7 members. The list consists of four guilty friends who said it would “feel weird” if they didn’t like her page, two robots selling sunglasses, and the hopeful journalist’s mother.
“I’m funny, right? I just need to get an in and really get my name out there, then the world is my oyster. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish writing an article about the Pizza Hut’s new employee “Pete Za Hutt.” I can really feel this one’s my ticket to the big leagues.”