Cottageville bandits hold Asheville bees ransom for Bee City USA title

  • SumoMe

ASHEVILLE– A recent crime spree leaves spectators asking the age old question.


Is it stealing, if someone stole from you first?


Asheville Bee Keepers woke up Friday morning to find their bees missing.


Right away the keepers speculated what may have caused the bees sudden disappearance.


Had the worker bees gone on strike due to unlivable working conditions?


Had the queen bee moved the swarm to India to escape paying US taxes?


Had the bees been drafted to the big leagues to work for Cheerios?


But speculation promptly ended after the Asheville Police Department received a fax at 5:45 p.m. Friday. A fax sent from an unknown location within Cottageville, S.C. revealed the bees had been beenapped.


“I’m just beefuddled,” said Lee Banksy, an Asheville bee farmer.


“Why would anybody do such a thing?”


The contents of the letter faxed to APD revealed the why. The letter read:

To Whom It May Concern,


We felt stung by the Asheville City Council’s recent decision to crown itself Bee City USA. You are not, nor will ever be, be Bee City USA.


You took our title from us, so we took your bees.  You can have your bees back if and when you revoke your title as Bee City USA. If you do not fulfill our demands we will kill a bee for every minute you do not comply.




The Real Bee City USA


No Monkeying around in the middle of a bee hostage crisis

The bandits appear to be referring to Cottageville, S.C. as the Real Bee City USA, who actually claimed the title of Bee City USA before Asheville. For the small price of $4 one gets access to Bee City USA’s educational program and petting zoo.


The APD is currently working with the Cottageville Police Department to track down the location of the fax machine and apprehend the bee bandits. Until then the clock is ticking and innocent bee are being slaughtered by the minute.


“This is America, we do not cooperate with terrorists and will not give into their demands,” said APD Chief William Anderson.


“The beenappers will be caught dead or alive. We understand some innocent may lose their lives but that is just the cost of freedom.”


As of 12:00 a.m. Monday 3,255 bees have lost their lives. With 15 beehives stolen, roughly 50,000 bees to a hive, and one bee per minute killed, the Bee City USA standoff could last for 520 more days or until December 2, 2013.


“It took 10 years to find Osama Bin Laden, people of Asheville need to be patient,” said Anderson.


“Justice will be served, eventually.”


Local Media Standoff leads to Bee City USA Standoff


It appears the origin of the Bee City USA standoff first developed after a Mountain Xpress reporter referred to Asheville as Bee City USA in May. Local bee activists later proposed the title to the Asheville City Council and the rest is history. For more info on why the reporter referred to Asheville as Bee City USA click here.


Author: citizenthymes

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