Counter protestor armed with spinning tops taken aback by Topless rally in downtown Asheville

  • SumoMe

ASHEVILLE- As a tops toy enthusiast Benjamin Hiro is used to things spinning in his world.


But upon news of hearing there was going to be a Topless rally in downtown Asheville yesterday, Hiro’s mind was sent into a tailspin.


“I was so upset at the thought of people trying to get rid of tops, when I heard the news I was so angry I almost crushed my Mego Corp 1974 Captain James Tiberius Kirk action figure that I was playing with,” said Hiro.


“What kind of despicable human being would want to get rid of tops?”


Hiro was not about to take the anti-tops talk lying down. So Hiro dressed in corduroys, a ‘Trek yourself before you wreck yourself” t-shirt, and Chuck Taylors, took to downtown Asheville yesterday to make sure the Topless rally protestors received a piece of his 160 IQ mind.


Armed with protest signs with phrases such as ‘Spinning is winning’ and ‘Stop the tops cops,’ HIro stood directly across from his anti-tops foes and stared directly into their eyes, well the best he could, to make sure he communicated his discontent with them.


“I have to say the move to bare their breasts was a strategy I didn’t see coming,” said Hiro, his cheeks suddenly flush red as he talks about his nude foes.


“When I’m angry with someone, I like to let them know by staring them directly in the eyes. But those beautiful bosoms kept on distracting me. I don’t see those things in real life very often. But every time I felt myself being distracted by a pair of boobies, I just told myself, ‘Good God man stay strong for the tops.”


Several hundred people attended the Topless rally yesterday and twelve women bared their breasts in protest.


Despite a much larger crowd gathering around the Topless protestors, HIro still believes his message was heard loud and clear yesterday. Hiro gave away over a 100 toy tops with the message ‘Tops make the world go round.’


“Sure the topless protestors may blind people with their breasts for a day,” said Hiro.


“But people are going to play with my tops for a lifetime.”

Author: citizenthymes

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