HELL- Fire and brimstone is not necessarily what deceased Westboro Baptist Church Reverend Fred Phelps had in mind when walking through heaven’s pearly gates.
In fact, Reverend Phelps must have been so traumatized by his recent passing shortly after midnight this morning, because he doesn’t remember seeing any pearly gates at all.
“It really is hot up here in Heaven, I didn’t expect that,” said Reverend Phelps.
“It must come from God’s warming beating hear, he loves me so much. If it is this hot up here, I can’t imagine how hot it is for all those gays, Muslims, Jews, and atheists down there in hell. Stupid people did not repent for their sins.”
Phelps, who founded the Westboro Baptist Church in 1955, a church most famous for it’s anti-gay message and signs they use to protest US soldier funerals that have messages like ‘God Hates Fags’ and ‘Thank God for Dead Soldiers.’
Despite heaven’s raging heat and being wrapped in flames like a blanket, Reverend Phelps doesn’t think his new eternal fate isn’t so bad.
“You know I do think I would of met God by now, so I’m a little disappointed in that regard,” said Reverend Phelps.
“But despite the heat, what makes me really happy is now I have an eternity to think about all those people that God hates and I take real joy in thinking about what pain they must going through right now.”
Reverend Phelps, lived to be 84-years-old and left a legacy behind on earth of being a huge bigoted jackass.