GOP Introduces Put Women Back in the Kitchen Bill

  • SumoMe

War on Women final battle begins

WASHINGTON, DC- The final shot in what has been deemed the GOP’s war on women has been fired.


Just days after Senate Republicans blocked a pay equity bill that closed loopholes in the 1963 Equal Pay Act requiring employers to prove that differences in pay were related to job performance, not gender, the GOP introduced a bill that incentivizes women to return home.


The bill entitled Put Women Back in the Kitchen Act gives huge tax incentives to women who seek husbands and decide to stay home and take care of their families as opposed to go to work.


“This is a huge victory for women everywhere,” said former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin.


“Finally congress has introduced a bill that truly supports women and at the same time returns America to its roots, which is the family.”


Women, who chose to stay home under the bill would receive a $15,000 a year tax credit, but would have to adhere to the bill’s strict rules. Such rules include cooking three square meals a day for their husband and children, doing the family’s laundry, and would be forbidden from seeking a job outside the household.


“There are literally millions of women in the US that has been brainwashed by the liberal media and the feminazis that somehow staying at home and serving your husband is shameful,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.


“We want to give women the opportunity to do what they have biologically been raised to do, which is raise a family and be proud of doing it, while they are drying those dinner plates.”


Democrats argue the new bill would further hurt women, who continue to choose to work, who already make 77 cents on the dollar compared to their men counterparts. Democrats also question how the new bill creates jobs, which they argue should be Congress’s top priority.


Take out the damn trash Paul!

“We don’t have a problem with women, who choose to stay at home to raise their families,” said Democratic House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.


“We just question why republicans chose to add those rules, I think it sends a message that husbands should not be assisting in the house chores. I already have a hard time getting my husband Paul to take out the trash as it is. I also don’t understand how this creates jobs.”


Republicans however argue women, who choose to stay home under the new bill, would be leaving open the door for males to fill their previous employment positions. Republicans also argue putting women back in the kitchen would help fight America’s ever growing obesity epidemic.


“I think First Lady Michelle Obama will be particularly happy with the new bill,” said McConnell.


“Women don’t have time currently to both cook healthy meals for their children and work at the same time. Our new bill gives women time to cook those healthy meals instead of picking up fast food on the way home from work. Just think of all the money we will save by solving obesity and we return women to their rightful place in the American household to boot.”


The Senate is set to debate the Put Women Back in the Kitchen Act Wednesday.

Author: citizenthymes

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