GOP Speech Writers pen ‘even a hurricane won’t keep us from winning the White House’ as winning line at convention

  • SumoMe

TAMPA, Fla.- GOP speech writers are taking the advice of a former front runner in the Republican primary Rick Santorum, who quipped on the campaign trail, ‘You have to make the best out of a bad situation.”


Tropical Storm Issac has delayed the GOP convention a day and forced hundreds of attendees to stay at home due to cancelled flights.


But GOP speechwriters are making the best out of a bad situation by harnessing the power of the storm to win political points. A ghost writer for former Florida governor Jeb Bush’s convention speech on Thursday explains, ‘Even a hurricane won’t keep us from winning the White House’ will be the line that defines the convention.


“The hurricane line is just brilliant,” said Micheal Rezac, a speechwriter also for Vice President candidate Paul Ryan.


“It’s like Ralph Waldo Emerson is watching us from heaven and sent us a haiku encrusted in gold on an angel’s feather. The line is going to fire up the crowd just like if someone yelled ‘Obama is a Muslim.’ Except this line is a bit more politically correct.”


The hurricane line has been strategically included in a variety of speakers’ speeches including the GOP nomination for President, Mitt Romney.


“Mitt is going to walk on stage with the Scorpions’ ‘rock you like a hurricane’ playing in the background,” said Rezac.


“Then he’s going to say, ‘Issac you couldn’t rock us. Even a hurricane won’t keep us from winning the White House. But President Barack Obama you best be ready because Romney-Ryan will rock you like a hurricane.’ The crowd is going to shit their Confederate flag boxers with excitement.”


Las Vegas bookers caught wind of the GOP’s plan and MGM is currently offering 20 to one odds the hurricane line will be used at least 15 times. Other betting lines include, Florida Senator Marco Rubio being caught with a male prostitute at 40 to one and New Jersey Governor Cris Christie mistaking his own thumb for a creamed filled long john at 50 to one.

Author: citizenthymes

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