Hung over Asheville man can’t believe there isn’t one damn bottle of ibuprofen in this whole fricking house

  • SumoMe

ASHEVILLE- Sam Keegan made his New Year’s Eve plans three weeks in advance.


Keegan arranged for a limo to pick up him and his wife from his coworker’s New Year’s Eve party two weeks in advance.


Hell, Keegan even wrote his New Year’s resolutions in October.


But Sam Keegan forgot one important item to survive New Year’s Day. Keegan forgot to stock up on ibuprofen to suppress that pounding headache he now is suffering from.


“Holy Hell how much did I drink last night?” said Keegan.


This is the jackass from Human Resources who hasn't had a good time without Jack since 1992

This is the jackass from Human Resources who hasn’t had a good time without Jack since 1992

Keegan remembers drinking a six-pack, but conveniently forgot about taking 4 shots of Jack with that annoying jackass from Human Resources and then there was that bottle of champagne.


“My head is killing me and I can’t even see straight. Where is the damn ibuprofen?” said Keegan.


Keegan stumbled to the bedroom window, with both hands over his eyes to prevent being blinded by that ‘damn’ sun and subsequently closed the blinds.


“I told you for the umpteenth time we don’t have any ibuprofen,” yelled Keegan’s wife.


Keegan loved his wife, but he thought if she yelled one more time it might send his migraine over the edge and he might have to suffocate her with a pillow. Keegan laughed to himself over the thought of murdering his wife as a convenient loophole to that ‘death do us part’ part in his vows.


This is Sam's 4 bedroom house which doesn't have one fricking single bottle of ibuprofen

This is Sam’s 4 bedroom house which doesn’t have one fricking single bottle of ibuprofen. But it does have a big screen.

“A fricking $250,000 house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms and there is not one damn bottle of ibuprofen in this whole house?” said Keegan.


“Jesus does anybody deliver ibuprofen in this town?”


The Keegans plan to spend the rest of the day in bed.  Attempting to drive to a CVS to get ibuprofen would be a death sentence according to Sam. Hell, the thought of getting up and walking downstairs to let their golden retriever Molly out, sounded exhausting to Sam. Maybe tomorrow thought Sam.

Author: citizenthymes

Share This Post On

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Connect with Facebook