ASHEVILLE- Oh what’s that, you want to write a book or a screenplay?
Join the club my friend.
Hollywood actor and Warren Wilson student James Franco arrived back in Asheville last week pushing the number of aspiring terrible writers in Asheville to 10,000 according to the Asheville Terrible Writer Census.
“There are 10,000 of us in this town. Wow I can’t believe there are 10,000 egotistical, self-loathing people in Asheville that hate their full-time job that pays the bills,” said Mark Holiday.
“I guess writers are attracted to the scenery. They think if they connect with the wilderness they will find their true inner self. You know what I found? A minimum wage job and food stamps.”
Holiday is currently writing what he calls the next great American novel, a story about his love affair with an Asheville woman that broke his heart, after leaving him for another woman.
Jessica Long also shares Holiday’s pain of being a terrible aspiring Asheville writer.
“It seems real easy at first,” said Long.
“You start a blog, get a bunch of Twitter and Facebook fans, then companies will want to advertise on your blog, and finally some book agent will find your website and gives you a book deal. Lord was I wrong. It is really hard around the holidays with family members asking how your writing career is going.”
Long gave up her dream of being a writer a long time ago by prioritizing writing in her mind as just a hobby and something she just enjoyed to do.
“What can I say dressing up your current plight instead of accepting failure is much easier to take,” said Long.
“We can’t all be Emerson, but we can be the dopes that convince ourselves that are 8-5 job is good enough and true happiness is enjoying mind numbing CBS sitcoms with a spouse that hates you, nightly.”
The Asheville Aspiring Terrible Writer support group meets weekly on Monday nights at the Bojangles on Merrimon Avenue.
“Nothing like sweet tea to bring out the inner Southern gentleman scholar in my work,” said Holiday.
James Franco has yet to attend a support group meeting.
“When you make millions you can convince yourself of anything, poor guy thinks he is good with a quill and paper,” said Holiday.
A staff member of the Citizen Thymes found this article very depressing and is thinking about going back to school for something more practical than journalism.