Lack of Cold Mountain forces distraught Asheville man to try one of thousand other winter seasonal brews

  • SumoMe

ASHEVILLE- Staring at an empty spot in the Ingles beer cooler where Highland Brewing Company’s highly touted seasonal Cold Mountain Winter Ale is supposed to be located, West Asheville resident Tony Mojito shook his head in disbelief.


“It’s a cold, cold day, brother,” said Mojito.


Mojito has been visiting his local Ingles every day for the past three weeks expecting Cold Mountain to be in stock and every day he walks home empty handed.


Albert Einstein once said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.


But Mojito defended his daily routine of searching for a case of Cold Mountain by slinging an ad hominem fallacy at Einstein.


“Insane hey? Ole Einstein never had the sweet nectar of vanilla and hazelnut brew touch his lips, did he?” said Mojito.


“Insanity is relative, brother. Some people would call me insane for throwing down $19 for a 12 pack of beer, but Cold Mountain is worth every penny.”


Insane or not, there is one big problem. Mojito can’t seem to find a store, carrying Cold Mountain anywhere.


“Finding Cold Mountain is a tough mountain to climb,” said Mojito.


“The anxiety of finding the brew almost doesn’t make it worth it.”


The anxiety reached its peak for Mojito last night, after staring at an empty slot for Cold Mountain at Ingles one last time. Aghast by the situation, Mojito dropped a carton of eggs that he was carrying in his right hand, as he knees buckled and fell to the cold tile resting his distraught face upon the cooler’s glass window.


“Why Shiva, Asheville beer God, why?” Mojito thought to himself.


But just when Mojito looked to have skunky beer face stuck as a permanent facial feature, a light shined out of the cooler illuminating dozens of other bottles that dawned the label winter seasonal ale.


“It was like Shiva turned on that little refrigerator light to show me the way,” said Mojito.


“I never knew there were so many other winter seasonal ales available. Thousands in fact.”


Slightly defeated, Mojito picked up his cracked carton of eggs and a six-pack of RJ Rockers Brewing Company’s The First Snow Ale, and walked out of Ingles with his head held high.


“Cold Mountain or not, beer will be drank tonight and that is all that matters,” said Mojito.

Author: citizenthymes

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