Local funeral homes rejoice as Asheville is ranked No. 1 place to retire, says will bring in new clients

  • SumoMe

ASHEVILLE- For the 7th year in a row, Asheville is TopRetirments.com’s Best Place to Retire.


To which Asheville funeral homes say keep those soon to be dead bodies coming.


“We could always use more business,” said Earl Grey, funeral home director of Body Disposal Services on Patton Avenue.


“I mean in our line of work the business doesn’t really stop, but we could use a boost. I really want to take my wife to the Bahamas before I prepare her coffin if you know what I’m saying.”


The Asheville funeral home community has seen a rise in traffic to their perspective parlors over the last several years as Asheville has established itself as a top retirement destination.


grin1051lBut most directors explain they welcome any increase in business as profits has waned over the last several years as families have chosen to cut corners, when it comes to disposing of their loved ones due to the slumping economy.


“Even though the number of bodies we have disposed of in the last couple of years has increased, our profits have stayed around the same as more and more people are choosing cremation over burial to save that extra dollar,” said Grey.


“Times are tough and people just aren’t willing to spend the dough on a traditional coffin burial. We have offered a BOGO on all our walnut coffins for the last year and nobody will take us up on our offer. I guess nobody is willing to die together to save some cash. I personally find mutual death pacts highly erotic and romantic.”


Despite a tough economy, Grey has kept Body Disposal Services a float the last couple years by getting an upper hand on the competition.


Denny's a popular destination for drunks and old people

Denny’s a popular destination for drunks and old people

“A top retirement town also means a top destination for funeral home directors and let me tell you we are some cut throats,” said Grey.


“We try to recruit our clients early by frequenting almost dead hotspots like Denny’s. We have signed so many clients by offering BOGO Grand Slams.”


Asheville funeral home directors are hopeful Asheville will continue to be a top retirement destination in the near future or at least until the directors pass through their own parlors.



Author: citizenthymes

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