ASHEVILLE- One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
While most individuals throw away their junk mail, Asheville resident Derek Finney looks forward to his junk mail six days a week.
So when the United States Postal Service announced yesterday they were ending Saturday mail service, Finney was left speechless.
“Oh so they act like they are all tough with this ‘we will deliver rain or shine’ business and yet, they can only do it five days a week?” said Finney.
“How tough are you now USPS? What’s next? You going to take a snow day like all these wimpy teachers and kids, who can’t drive if there is a spec of snow on the ground? Back in the day delivering the mail use to mean something.”
Finney says he feels rejected by USPS, which is just an added bonus to the pile of rejection, Finney feels every day. Junk mail was the one area in life, where Finney felt like he was accepted.
“All my life I have felt rejected,” said Finney.
“My parents never loved me. My ex left me for a guy that can’t even spell his first name. My own dog refuses to sleep in the same bed with me. But credit card companies have always been there for me. Nothing is more beautiful then reading ‘Dear Mr. Finney you have been approved.’ Life may not love me, but MasterCard, Visa, and American Express do. Now the post office is trying to get in the way of our relationship.”
Finney says the post office is probably just jealous of him since no credit card company in the world would approve USPS based on their credit score. USPS lost 16 billion dollars in revenue last year.
Finney plans on signing up for credit cards via the Internet to make up for the lost approval via mail and abruptly ended his mail service yesterday.
“It will be tough not to see Roger, my mailman every day,” said Finney.
“But if the mail is going to reject me, I’m going to reject the mail.”