WASHINGTON, D.C.- There is no reason if you are going to jump off a cliff that at the bottom there has to be giant sharp boulders to break your neck on.
President Obama yesterday made sure that the United States leap over the fiscal cliff would be a safe one.
Obama ordered the Department of Defense to build a 3 trillion gallon kiddie pool to lessen the impact of the United States descent over the fiscal cliff.
“I still have full faith in both parties coming together to get a deal done to prevent us from going over the fiscal cliff,” said Obama.
“However, we have to have a back up plan just in case to make sure at the end of the day no matter what happens we can move forward as a country. Whether that happens to be at the bottom of a kiddie pool or on top of a cliff is up to Congress.”
Congress has until the end of the year to come up with a deal to keep the United States from going over the fiscal cliff in January.
Obama has been in negotiations with top advisers in the Pentagon for the last month to come up with a safety plan just in case Congress can’t make a deal.
“Well we discussed building a giant safety net, but there was worry some of our smaller citizens may slip through the holes and hurt themselves,” said Obama.
“Besides where were we going to get a spider with that kind of web spinning power in such short notice. The Pentagon will begin breaking ground on the pool tomorrow.”
The Pentagon will be getting water for the kiddie pool by flying in melting glaciers from the Arctic.
“We figured they will be gone anyways in the next 50 years, why let all that water go to waste,” said Obama.
“I know what your thinking, what about people who can’t swim? Turns out my old friend Mitt Romney owns a company in China that manufactures rubber ducky floaties. He is giving us a discount because he is such a patriot.”
The Pentagon has advised every American citizen to invest in a wet suit before the New Year. If the US were to go over the fiscal cliff into the giant kiddie pool, the water will be no doubt be cold.