ASHEVILLE-Even if you have your hands on the puppet’s strings, the puppet still has the ability to waver, especially if the puppet has a pulse.
Rep. Mark Meadow’s unwavering performance of late would have made Geppetto proud, so it’s no surprise his puppeteer, the Asheville Tea Party is rewarding their marionette for his fine performance.
After a federal government shutdown, the Asheville Tea Party awarded their puppet Meadows the ability to stay up one hour past his bedtime for the entire week.
“Our little Mark has worked so hard to remember the lines we gave him that we figured we would reward him with what every child wants,” said Jane Bilello, head of the Asheville Tea Party.
“What child does not want to stay up past his or her bedtime? We are so very proud of our little Marky Mark, I just want to squeeze his little chubby cheeks.”
Meadows, who originated the idea in Congress to hold the budget bill hostage with a provision to defund Obamacare, called Bilello yesterday as soon as it was made clear the federal government was headed for a shutdown.
“It was like receiving an A on my report card all over again,” said Meadows.
“I just knew my Tea Party elders would be so proud. I can’t believe they are letting me stay up one hour past my bedtime. That one hour will be put to good use, I’ve wanted to catch up on Ted Nugent’s Spirit of the Wild for some time now.”
While Meadows is getting caught up with Spirit of the Wild, the rest of the nation will be feeling the impact of a federal government shutdown. According to a recent poll by Pepperdine University’s Graziadio School of Business and Management, 75 percent of business owners believe the government shutdown will directly harm their business due to the uncertainty it will create about the future of the US economy.
“Pepperdine? No need to believe a word from one of those hippie Obama loving California schools,” said Meadows.
“Besides 100 percent of people are opposed to Obamacare, so while 75 percent of business owners may be harmed by my high jacking of the budget, 100 percent of them will love me for getting rid of Obamacare. I’m like your mother-in-law, you may hate me at first, but then one day you find out I can whip up a delicious meatloaf.”
The Citizen Thymes was unable to get a hold of Blue Ridge Parkway and Great Smokey National Park workers that are currently out of work due to the shutdown, to see if Meadows indeed makes a delicious meatloaf.