ASHEVILLE- Turn signals in Asheville are as about as rare as a Babe Ruth rookie card.
That is why every time downtown Asheville resident Mary Nestler sees a turn signal in Asheville she kisses the rosary that dangles from her rear view mirror of her silver Toyota Prius.
But a holy embrace is not usually the norm when Nestler gets behind the wheel. Within seconds of taking to the city streets, you may hear the following out of Nestler’s mouth:
“Move over grandma. This is why Republicans want to cut Medicare!
Florida? Of course f#$% tourists! Why don’t you take a picture of my middle finger?
Oh I hope you die in a fiery car wreck.”
Little does Nestler know according to Nestler’s husband Fred Nestler, Mary is not particularly the best driver herself.
“Oh my wife is a terrible driver,” said Fred.
“She cuts people off. She rides people’s ass like she rides mine to take out the trash. At every stoplight she slams on her brakes and she thinks just because someone is riding slow in the passing lane that is a proper excuse to waylay on her horn until the car gets out of the passing lane. This is off the record right?”
The Citizen Thymes assured Fred his comments would not be on our soon to be released record The Clear Album.
Fred is thankful there are so many terrible drivers in Asheville that his wife’s bad driving habit just blends in and he doesn’t even feel embarrassed riding with his wife behind the wheel.
“There are three things guaranteed in Asheville taxes, death, and terrible drivers,” said Fred.
“My wife is a terrible driver and I’m just hoping she won’t be the eventual cause of my death.”