ASHEVILLE- Natalie Kite a 42-year-old West Asheville resident has been nagging her husband for months now to fix the microwave.
So upon hearing the news of the launch of the City of Asheville phone app, the Asheville App, which touts the message ‘You Spot It, We Fix It,’ Kite was overjoyed with the thought of never having stovetop popcorn again.
But two weeks have passed since Kite has submitted a photo of her broken microwave to the Asheville App and with a still broken microwave sitting on her kitchen counter, Kite has concluded the app is about as worthless as her husband.
“It is just so disappointing because I had such high hopes for our government,” said Kite.
“You know how frustrating it is to stovetop popcorn in the middle of a Netflix marathon? Hell until a couple months ago I didn’t even know how to stovetop popcorn, I had to YouTube how to do it. I feel like I’m living in a third world country without a microwave.”
The Asheville App launched on March 12th. The app allows users who spot a problem to submit a service request via their smart phones. Users can take a photo of a problem and the app includes a tracking tool allowing users to monitor progress on the repair, and City employees can even communicate directly with users if they need further information
But progress on Kite’s service request has not moved and the City has not contacted her.
“Maybe it is because I don’t live in a rich neighborhood?” said Kite.
“All city funded development seems to be in areas where residents buy Charmin instead of Laura Lynn toilet paper, you know what I’m saying? Hey government how about you help the little guy out for once? We already wipe our behinds with sandpaper, give us a break!”
Kite is not very optimistic about her other repair requests being serviced by the City anytime soon. Kite also submitted requests for the City to repair her broken screen door, the toilet in the guest bathroom that only works if you jiggle the handle in the right spot, and her living room wall clock that appears to be running counter clockwise.
“I knew before this process I needed a new husband, but now I have learned I need a new government too,” said Kite.
Kite is currently searching YouTube for how to get both a new husband and a new government.